2012 ~ My Year in Review

I'm obviously not cut out to be a real "blogger"... hence the couple of posts for the entire past year. I will, however, write a summary of this past year. Probably more so for my own way to remember, to look back and get a glimpse of 2012 in the future.

January always brings us two birthday celebrations: Jerell turned 11 on 1/4

                                             
                                                Then, on the 16th, Jaden turned 5!

Soon after, Rob and I were off on a wonderful vacation to Barbados! We were there for 8 days along with my parents and sister, aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandparents.
                                                      We enjoyed touring the island

                                        Swimming in the Caribbean and laying out on the beach.

                            And just hanging out with family (this was at a little karaoke place)

However, I don't recommend that kind of trip while 32 weeks pregnant. I wasn't able to do a whole lot while we were there (I even asked my doctor beforehand if I could jet ski, to which he replied "um, no.") And by the time we made it to the Dallas airport my feet were so swollen I couldn't even walk and had to be wheel chaired through the airport - which did have an upside as we went to the front of the very long customs line!

In February my firstborn turned 13! Davon didn't really do too much for his birthday but we did have a cake here with just our family. Hard to believe I am the mother of a teenager!

I also was given a baby shower (I hadn't had one since baby #1) which I was very thankful for!

The first part of March was spent preparing for our baby to arrive... and with me hobbling around, not sleeping and pretty much being miserable. *Summed up here in this lovely pic 2 days before the big day...

But it was worth the pain and hugeness (I suppose!) when we welcomed a healthy baby boy on the 12th!                                                           Isaiah Michael :)

 

Then Rob turned 34...

 And we also celebrated our 5th anniversary on the 28th (well, we didn't actually 'celebrate' since we were now the parents of FIVE, but it was noted. haha)!

 

In April my beautiful Grandma came to visit! I was able to get out of the house baby-free to have lunch and shop with her :) We then had Isaiah dedicated at our church on Easter Sunday!

Later that month I officially closed the "baby factory" (yes, this is important to remember!)

 

In May Jaden graduated from preschool at Josiah's Playground. We are happy that Jaden is growing up but were sad to say goodbye to all his wonderful teachers there. That place was truly a blessing!

That day I left with my mom, sister, 2 oldest boys, nephew and the baby on a 15 hour journey to North Dakota to see my Great Grandma. She's not been doing well and we wanted to see her "one last time". However, it's now December and she's still the same... who knew. Anyway, it was sure nice to spend time with my aunts and cousins that we don't see very often. The drive was less than fun with a 2 month old - I did take him out of his carseat to feed, change and get him to sleep (and to get him to stop crying periodically)... please don't shoot me!

 

The spring was also filled with lots of baseball. Davon played on a new team (Heat) and I enjoyed going to the games whenever possible. Grandpa and Grandma didn't miss even one, of course!

 I figured Jaden (5) and Dathan (3) were ready to start playing sports as well. So I signed Jaden up for soccer and Dathan for t-ball.

 

 Um ya, that didn't work out too well. They each made it through about 2.5 practices - the .5 is for the time during practice that I spent trying to get them back to where they were suppose to be!

June was spent hanging out at home, a few days at the pool, the annual family picnic at my mother-in law's home and Davon went to the state baseball tournament in Des Moines. Jerell got to experience flying in a small plane through the Junior Eagles in Iowa City. He thought that was awesome!

 

In July it was more of the same, except for Davon (again) who was able to go on a week-long camping trip in Minnesota with his friend. He had a blast and we're thankful for the friends who took him along!

Unfortunately we couldn't spend as much time at the pool as I would've liked since we had one of the hottest summers on record :/  Too dangerous (and unbearable) for small kids, especially a baby. This also kept us from taking the kids to a theme park (or anywhere really) where we'd be stuck outside for the whole day. But we still enjoyed our summer with eachother.

In August Rob took the older boys and my dad to "Fish O Rama" which they've done the last few years. Jaden even got to go out for a few hours. They always enjoy that time together, even if they come home bummed that they didn't win any prizes. Later on, my mom and I took Jerell, Jaden and Isaiah to the Sweet Corn Festival (small, local fair/carnival) - I went on one crazy ride with Jaden and then remembered I can't handle that anymore! But we had fun.

Time flew by and before we knew it school was starting back up! Yes, that's an exclamation point because mama is very ready for that day by the middle of August :) And this was a big year as Jaden was starting Kindergarten and Jerell was starting middle school!

About a week into school is a time we'll never forget - Davon was in a "fight", not a fair fight, but that's what we'll call it. That left his nose and wrist broken which led to a long night at the ER, surgery on the arm a week later and far too many doctor appointments. Hopefully this was a big lesson learned!

 

 

September is another big birthday month - it's my dad's birthday on the 10th (I usually bake him a cake or some other treat). My stepdad's and my birthday is on the same day! I did have a cake but that's as much of a celebration as you get at this age with this many kids :) And then 5 days later it's Dathan's birthday and he turned 4 this year!

 

Nothing too exciting happened in October. But in November we decided to start Dathan in preschool.

                 He's ornery, so this was the picture I got - I take what I can get from that boy :)

We had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' and then again at my mother in law's a few days later. We finally got to take a little trip at the end of the month - an overnighter at a hotel with an indoor waterpark. The kids all enjoyed it and I'm glad we were able to do that, even if it was only one night.

 

And.... December. This month has been filled with the normal busy-ness - school break, shopping, baking, playing in the snow, a power outage, multiple illnesses and Christmas celebrations.

 

 We have had a wonderful few weeks (minus the sickness) but it's nice to be unwinding from all of that and getting back to a normal schedule. And yes, I look forward to school starting back up in a few days!

 

It's been a crazy year, mostly due to the addition of my sweet boy Isaiah, but I'm thankful for yet another year here on Earth, happy and healthy. God has truly blessed my family and I'm so amazed by his love and provision. We may not understand why certain things happen, why other things don't happen or what tomorrow might bring. But I do know that He has a plan for my life and looking back on this year was a great way to see how far He's brought me. I may not have a big, fancy house, a high-paying career or a ton of fascinating, exciting things I've done to write about - but I DO have a wonderful, beautiful family who shared a great year together and a God who loves me no matter how underserving I am! I am more excited for 2013 than before I started writing this (4 days ago, btw! lol) to see what God has in store for us! I hope you all have a wonderful year as well :)

Mom! ~ Happy Mother's Day :)

I've heard many people say they have the best mom in the world... and I am blessed to be one of those people. Is she perfect? No... but has she always done everything she could to make my life the best it could be? Absolutely!

I'll always remember crawling in bed with my mom when I was little and snuggling up with her (she let us take turns sleeping with our head rested on her arm, and I didn't realize until I was a mom just how uncomfortable that can be after awhile!).

My mom probably struggled as a single parent, providing for two little girls with no outside help, but I had no idea because our home was filled with love. I never felt like I was missing out on anything, though I'm sure there were times she wished she could "do more". There's nothing else I could have wanted.

She took us to church and taught us about Jesus. When we got hurt, she'd pray. The only music I remember hearing in our home was worship music. We SAW her reading her Bible. These things are probably the most important - and I'm thankful to have had that foundation.

As I got older, I gave my mom more trouble and heartache than I'm sure she ever imagined. I was defiant, I lied, I gave up on school, I was terribly disrespectful and downright mean to her at times. But no matter what, she never gave up on me. She always showed me love, even when I was unlovable. I never doubted her love for me. Still to this day I have guilt and regret for all those years of rebellion, but mostly for the way I treated my mom. I'm so glad she kept praying for me and always welcomed me back with open arms.

I made her a grandma at an early age, but she fell into that role as naturally as anyone could. She didn't look down on me, the 17 year old mom, or judge me as so many others did. She didn't make me think I was a "less than" mother, she helped and encouraged me to become the mom that I did. I wasn't the best, but she was always there for my kids and I know she's a big reason they have turned into the great young men they are now. As I've given her more and more grandkids :) - she's loved each one like it was the first. Always as excited as I was when they were born (sometimes maybe even moreso!)

She has done more for my family and I than we deserve. It would take me a year to write down all the things she's done, given, sacrificed. I'd love to say I'll pay her back someday, somehow... but I just don't think it's even possible!

I thank the Lord for choosing her to be MY mom. She's my best friend - the first person I want to call when something good happens, and the first person I call when things aren't so good and I need a shoulder. I can't imagine living life without her.

Mom,
I love you so very, very much. I don't tell you or show you as much as I should, but don't ever think it's because I don't feel it! You are my rock. You are more than I could ask for in a grandma - my kids are also very blessed that they get to have you in their lives. If I am doing a good job with my own kids it's because I had a wonderful example. I hope you know just how much you mean to me. I wish I had more eloquent words to describe my love and appreciation for you. THANK YOU for being my mom!

Pregnancy Woes

When I would see a pregnant woman I would sometimes have feelings of wishing I was pregnant too. I would think how I missed the whole experience and how "fun" it was to be expecting - the growing belly, feeling the baby move, the excitement of waiting for the birth of a new baby. And I would tell people how pregnancy wasn't bad for me, that I really enjoyed it. I've now realized that I must've blocked out the memories of how pregnancy really feels!

*I'm about to do some complaining, so if you'd rather not read it, here is your warning! :)

It's not all bad, of course. It was still exciting to find out we'd be adding to our family, still amazing to feel the baby start to move inside me and still neat to watch my body change (up to a certain point anyway)! However, I need to just have a few minutes to whine. For the last month it's been difficult to sleep (to say the least) with the multiple trips to the bathroom all night and having only 2 positions that I can sleep in - left side or right side, alternating between the two every 20-30 minutes. I have horrible heartburn, which I've never dealt with before, even though I take medicine for it twice a day. Many times it's hard to walk as it feels like I'm carrying a bowling ball between my legs that's trying to work its way out. I have back "spasms" throughout the day that feel like I'm being electricuted up and down my spine. My hip sometimes feels like it might break with one wrong move... *I was born with hip displasyia which left my legs different lengths and one messed up hip, which I think makes the back and hip issues more prevalent in my case. And the headaches that have been going on almost the whole 8 months are about enough to drive me insane.

So maybe I forgot about how miserable it can be (in the end) or maybe it's because this is my 5th time and my body just doesn't handle it as well as it did 13 years ago. Probably a little of both. I am getting my tubes tied when this baby is 6 weeks old and will put the pregnancy era behind me, forever! And part of the reason for this post is so I can come back and read it when those feelings of wanting to be pregnant creep up again in the future! Also, if anyone hears me saying that I love being pregnant you can kindly tell me to go read my own blog and come back to reality :)

Today's Birthday Boy is JADEN! ~ Birth Story

It's been 5 years and I really can't say it's too hard to believe, as it seems Jaden has been around for even longer than that! haha

The morning of January 16th I had an appointment for my 4th non stress test within a week. He hadn't been doing as well as they would like during the tests so I had to keep going in every other day. I was now 38 weeks pregnant. I went to the hospital by myself as I assumed they would just do the test and send me home again like all the other times. But this time was different - the doctor came in after about 1/2 hour and said "That's it, I think it's time to take this baby". Before I knew it I was admitted and being moved to a labor/delivery room, during which time I was trying over and over again to get ahold of Rob. It was about 1:00 and he was apparently taking a nap at home and couldn't hear his phone! I got ahold of my mom and Rob's mom who in turn finally got ahold of him.

Once I was in the room I thought the doctor was just checking me but she actually broke my water! I was a little upset about this because I wasn't told what was going to happen and didn't realize she was going to start already (I was still alone and hadn't gotten ahold of daddy). But it didn't take long for him to get there with my mom following closely behind. As the day went on I remember my mom saying she hoped I was done by 7 because American Idol was on! HA Oh, Grandma :) While I was getting closer to delivery and in more and more pain, my "support team" did, in fact, watch American Idol. And just as that got over it was time to start pushing. My little Jader Buddy was born at 8:32 pm - 7 hours later, not too bad for an induction. We now had 3 little boys!

Jaden was such a good, sweet, quiet baby... if only we had known how different he'd be as a toddler! He's been a difficult child, to say the least; definitely giving me a run for my money, er, sanity! But he also is so fun and can be so sweet - very much a blessing to our family. He's very excited to be 5 years old and is looking forward to starting Kindergarten in the fall - now that does sound crazy! I hope the school is prepared for this little ball of energy!

Happy birthday, JJ! We love you soooo much!

My baby is 11! - A Birth Story

December 13th, 2000... 33 weeks pregnant with baby #2 - I woke up from an afternoon nap feeling that something wasn't right. So I called into work (I was suppose to go in at 4) and headed to the hospital to get checked out. Sure enough, the doctor told me that my water had started to leak. I was 19 years old and tired of being pregnant so was excited for a moment thinking that meant my baby would be born soon. Of course, it was too early to have him and I soon realized things were not going to be so simple afterall. The doctor said I would be admitted immediately to be on complete bedrest. Ugh!

I spent the next 21 days laying in a small hospital room (this was before all the fancy birth suites were built). I missed Christmas with my family, including my 22 month old son who was at home with Grandma and Poppy. I rang in the new year in that hospital bed as well. That was a difficult time, and quite boring I might add!

The doctors had decided to induce me at 36 weeks and end the torturous bedrest. Finally, the day came - January 3rd 2001. I woke up super early as I had been counting down the days and was so excited to meet my lil guy. However, the labor and delivery unit was extra busy that day so I had to wait, and wait... and wait. About 4:30 pm they said I could finally head down to the delivery room to get started. 12 hours later I gave birth to my second son, Jerell Solomon, on January 4th. Even though he was still almost a month early he was completely healthy and able to come home after the normal 2 days, and so was I after 24 days in the hospital!

Jerell was a very difficult newborn, crying most of the day and night for a couple months. I was so young and living on my own with 2 kids 2 and under. I believe it was the grace of God that got me through those times (along with lots of help from Grandma!). But after those rough few months Jerell became one of the sweetest babies ever! And he's continued to be that way over the last 11 years. He's compassionate, loving, smart (testing at the very top of his class year after year) and just such a blessing to us.

I'm so thankful for all my boys, but today I'm especially thankful for my sweet Jerell! Happy Birthday, Jelly :)

Jerell @ 9 years old

So long, Halloween

Halloween is not my favorite "holiday" (holiday in quotes because I don't really even consider it to be a holiday). My first experience trick or treating wasn't until 8th grade, and even then I didn't dress up, just went with some friends and had my whole bag of candy stolen by a delinquent teenager. Pitiful. When I was little we did dress up occasionally and went to church "Halleluja Partys" which were always fun, so I didn't feel like I was missing anything - maybe I didn't even know what I was actually missing. But after I had kids I decided, hesitantly, to partake in the normal halloween activities of costume buying and trick or treating. *Just a little background information :)

I had been telling Davon, who is 12, that he was too old to go begging for candy this year. He seemed fine with that and planned to stay home and pass out our candy while hubs and I were out with the younger kids. So I bought 3 bags of candy. Davon informed me an hour before we were to begin that he was going with friends to trick or treat... whatever. So my huge bowl of candy sat on my counter most of the night, until we got back and could pass it out - only 4 kids came by that point, what a waste. Oh well.

Dathan threw up at 5:00 and laid lethargically on the couch for about an hour before it was time to get ready. But just like I thought, nothing was going to keep him from free candy. Here's Jaden, my niece & Dathan.

Observations: It was like a ghost town for the first 10 minutes of walking, besides the little boy next door there wasn't a soul in sight. I started to wonder if I had missed the memo of Halloween being cancelled.
Before we sent the kids up to a door we reminded them to say "trick or treat" and "thank you"... EVERY house. Jaden would usually say trick or treat but forgot the thank you about 1/2 the time. So I would ask him why he didn't say it, to which he replied with "Ugh, I missed out on the thank-you! That's okay mom". Yeah, it's okay because you still got your candy, but it's not okay if the people are like me and get irritated when snot-nosed kids don't have manners.
I do NOT like it when people invite my young children in their house - this happened 3 or 4 times last night! Granted, all of them were older and probably grandparents themselves, but it's just weird. We would rush up from our post at the end of a driveway to supervise the interaction between these strangers and our boys. This just isn't the day in age when you can ask strange little kids into your home, sorry.
Seriously, why would someone dress their 6 or 7 year old little girl in what I call a hooker outfit?? This girl's sequin dress was so short that any wrong move would've revealed her little Dora panties and she could barely walk with her knee-high, heeled black boots. Not to mention you could see her shaking from the cold. Some people - I'll just never understand.

All in all it was a good night... no more puking, no runaway kids and most importantly a huge stash of candy for ME! I'm glad this day only comes around once a year and also that I won't be pregnant for it ever again! At least I burned a few calories before I pigged out on mini candy bars.

A Night at The Movies

Last night my husband and I went to a movie (all by ourselves!). We saw Courageous, which was wonderful and highly recommended. We rarely go to the theater, mostly because we never have a babysitter and also because I hate spending that much money on one movie that I'll soon be able to rent at Redbox for $1. But, the opportunity arose thanks to grandma, and we were excited to have a little date night.

So we were in the theater enjoying our outgrageously priced popcorn and pop about 15 minutes before showtime. It looked fairly empty when we got in there but filled up nicely by the start of the movie. We sat on the end of a row, leaving one seat between hubs and the aisle so he wouldn't have to share an armrest with a stranger (he's not big on public places full of people in close proximity). There were 4 seats between me and the next closest couple. About 7 minutes into the movie 2 old women walked in and came right for our row. Now, one would assume they would choose the seat right in the middle of me and the other couple, leaving an open seat on either side of each woman, but no. The rather large and not so quiet woman plopped right down next to me, stepping on my purse and knocking my extra napkins out of the cupholder beside me. Then she asks me if the movie started yet (again, not so quietly) and I tell her yes, this is it. She mumbled. She was nearly snuggling with me once she got comfortable so I spent the majority of the next hour and a half leaning close to hubs. Ok, that's not so bad, but still. I often get more irritated with people than I probably should, even moreso when pregnant. But some people are just... irritating! Throughout the entire movie she made "hmmm" noises - when something was sad, or funny, or a good point was made. Even worse though was how she would state the obvious, out loud, as if we needed her narratives to understand the story. I tell you what, had the movie not been so good I might have walked out. Or maybe if I wasn't afraid of hurting feelings, even those of irritating people I don't even know, I would've switched seats. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I saw her eyeing my popcorn (she had none) and my puppy chow that I brought in my purse, the purse she almost STEPPED on!

I know I sound like a spoiled brat, maybe even downright mean. That's not right, but it's how I felt! All in all, we both (my husband and I, not the old lady) very much enjoyed the movie and are thankful we were able to go see it. Next time maybe we'll leave a seat in between us open just in case somebody decides to cozy up next to me - I'll just scoot over one chair and voila! Problem solved. *Why didn't I think of this yesterday??

Dathan is 3 ~ Short walk down memory lane

3 years ago today I went in for an 8am induction to deliver what I thought was my last baby :) I told my nurse that I would be done by noon so I could eat lunch. They didn't start the process until 8:30 and  Dathan was born at 12:32, so I was absolutely correct in my prediction of a 4 hour labor and delivery! Of course, I didn't get to eat lunch since there were some complications with me afterwards - I was scared and thought that any second my doctor would say we're heading to the OR for a hysterectomy. I thank God that didn't happen and soon after I was holding my precious baby boy and getting to know this new part of our family.

Dathan has been such a blessing! His first few months of life were quite rough (for me), spending many hours of the day and night crying as I walked from one end of my house to the other trying to soothe him. But after that he was a good baby and has been a good toddler as well. He's so smart and says some of the funniest things (I only wish I had written down all the cute & funny things my kids have said over the years). In one sense it's weird that my baby is already 3, but in another it's like he's been here forever - and I can't imagine life without my Boo-Boo!

Happy Birthday baby boy, we love you so much! You are proof that even when we don't plan a pregnancy and other people think you're crazy for "having another baby"... God, the giver of life, knows what He's doing!

Coming of Age

The time has come - tomorrow I'm entering a new decade of life, the 30's. I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I still feel like a teenager - like when I sleep in til 11, try to shop in the juniors section and don't understand "adult" conversations about politics or 401k's or the stock market. And I still have thoughts of "what am I gonna do with my life?" Other times I feel like I should be 20 years older than I am for how much life I've lived. After all, I've been having babies for 13 years now!

For some strange, annoying reason I've been waking up every morning with no alarm clock at 6:30 everyday. Of course, I don't actually get out of bed until my alarm tells me it's time to do so, but it's the strangest thing for the girl who literally had to be dragged out of bed by her mother for years and years! I also recently started watching Frasier, a show I remember seeing my parents watch years ago and absolutely did not ever grasp the concepts or humor in. But now I laugh! That made me realize that I must be getting old - to find that show funny and actually understand most of the words they say. Sounds dumb, I know.

I remember thinking 30 was so old! "Why do 30 year old women even bother wearing makeup and getting their hair done?" or "Why do old people in their 30's still have babies?"  Yeah, how ridiculous?! But really, when I was a kid did the women in their 30's feel and act like I do now? Because they sure seemed much more mature. If I do sit and think back to 5 or 10 years ago, I can see how I definitely have matured and changed. And I'm glad I don't still think and reason as I did when I was 20. Even more so, I'm glad I'm not spiritually where I was 5-10 years ago.

I won't cry or get depressed about getting "old". My hope is that I'll be like a fine wine, and only get better with age :)  *I've never had wine, but I hear that's what happens... haha*

They're Not Ready!

I'm not an expert at parenting, not by a long shot. But I do know one thing - if you let your kids "date" at an early age it will only lead to negative outcomes. Trust me, I know this from experience. It makes me sad (and almost sick sometimes) to see 12, 13 & 14 year olds hugging on the opposite sex and talking about who's the new girlfriend/boyfriend this month or even week. It makes me even more sad when this behavior is actually encouraged by the parents! Do you like seeing your child completely focused on a boyfriend or girlfriend? Does it not bother you when they they are depressed from the latest breakup? At that age they have no idea what being in a relationship really means and I don't believe that even if they did intellectually understand what goes into a relationship that they can emotionally handle any of it. We all know that these kids will not end up together in adulthood, so basically they are just wasting their time and lots of energy on "flings". And the sooner they start "dating", the sooner they will do things that should only be done by adults in marriage - this is a proven fact.

My son is not happy about having to wait until he's at least 16 to start dating and brings it up once in awhile with the argument of "everyone else is doing it". I tell him I feel sorry for the kids whose parents don't care enough to at least try and prevent their kids from getting caught up in the boyfriend/girlfriend drama, but I DO love him and want only the best for him. And because I know personally the heartache that can last for years and years due to choices made at these tender ages, I want to do whatever I can to spare my kids from having to deal with that.

*I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone in particular so please don't take it that way. I just had to share my feelings on the subject as it's been on my heart for quite some time.

Early Pregnancy Worry

Today I go for my first of many regular prenatal appointments. Even though I do feel "different", I worry that something has or will go wrong. Must be because of the other miscarriages and ectopic, on top of all the medical problems I've had over the last couple years. I saw the heart beating at my ultrasound when I was 6 1/2 weeks, but I know things can still go downhill even after that. Hopefully the heartbeat will be strong enough now at 10 1/2 weeks to be heard on doppler and my mind can be at ease. Whatever happens, happens. I just want to know!

Awkward

Last night I took both of my older boys to their school's open houses. 5th grade for Jerell and 7th grade for Davon. Wow! The first one at the elementary school was pretty hectic, but we did what was supposed to be done. Then we went to the middle school. So, it's his 2nd year there but it still seems strange that I have a child this old. I can still remember [quite clearly] being in middle school and now I'm there as a parent.

We're walking down a long hallway to find Davon's locker when some girls see him and yell out his name, obviously very excited to see him. I feel awkward... What am I suppose to do? Should I stand there and watch as my little boy hugs and converses with girls? Do I tell him I'm in a hurry so let's get moving? I want to be a cool, un-embarrassing mom - so I just keep walking as if I have no idea who my own son is! I go down the hall and continue looking for the locker, casually peeking back to spy on these not-so-shy girls who are apparently not letting my handsome boy get away too quickly. He does finally head my way a couple minutes later and of course, has no idea of what I've just been through!

I'm not ready for all this!

Craziness

I'm only 8 weeks in so I really hate to complain already, but I just need a moment. Okay, maybe a few moments... to whine about how CRAPPY I feel! I spent most of today fighting a headache and trying not to throw up. Driving to the store I almost had to pull over to puke and a few times in the store I thought I would need to bolt to the bathroom. In the end, I never actually threw up but that's little consolation. I came home from my short shopping trip in tears, telling my husband that "this sucks" and I can't wait for my 6 week post-baby checkup to have my tubes plugged. I'm never doing this again!

I know that we tend to forget how we truly felt being pregnant (or while in labor, but that's another story), but I just don't remember feeling this icky. And it's not just the exhaustion, headaches, nausea, bloating or having to get up every 2 hours at night to pee... it's the emotional rollercoaster that I still seem to be on. It was worse in the very beginning with tears running down my broken out face for no apparent reason, but the up and down emotions are still a part of daily life. I look at myself and feel horrible for how out of shape I am and feel like a fat, gross, jiggly lump of laziness. I feel guilty for having no motivation to do anything - especially things like taking my kids to the park or even just outside for more than 5 minutes to play. For some reason, I also feel like there are people who are secretly hoping I have another boy just so they can say "ha, that's what you get"...  I'd like to think that's far from the truth, but something in me keeps having those thoughts. In case you are, in fact, one of those people let me say this now - this baby is a blessing from God and I will be delighted when I see this precious gift and hold it in my arms, regardless of whether it's a he or a she. Yes, I'd like the opportunity to have a daughter (and think I'd be quite good with a girl!), but I realize that God knows what He's doing and has a plan for our lives that we don't always see.

Anyway, I'm just struggling today. I'm starting to wonder if I'm too old to be doing this again! I know I'm only 29, but since I started so young it's like my body is actually 40. I've been having children for 13 years now! What?! I had babies in '99, '01, '07, '08 and now '12. Get this - I will be 30 years old and have had babies in 3 different decades!!! Craziness? YES!

I'm counting down til the 2nd trimester, praying that it brings some relief for all the physical and emotional crud (for lack of a better word). But I'm also thinking... maybe this one will be not-so-fun, to put it mildly, so that I will finally be completely over the desire to have more babies. If that's the case, it's working so far!

Why Me?

Today I had my second ultrasound for this pregnancy at only 6 weeks (the first one, at 5 weeks, we only saw a sac with nothing in it, though that is common at that early stage). As soon as my doctor started the scan I could see the tiny baby and it's beating heart. It made this all the more real for me, actually seeing a living baby, even though it's less than a centimeter in size and definitely looks more like an amphibian than a human!

This will be my 5th child... sounds crazy, I know. And it's had me thinking how blessed I've been to already have 4 kids and now get to have another. But why? Why am I able to get pregnant so easily? Why did I have 2 kids while I was still a teenager when there are women out there who try for decades unsuccessfully to get pregnant? Why are my babies born healthy and without complication when other women have sick babies, some of which pass before they're born or are born alive only to live for a few minutes? Why me???

I'm not better than anyone else, or somehow more deserving. And I certainly haven't earned any special status based on many of my life choices.. :/  I feel guilty sometimes when I look at my kids and think about all the would-be moms in the world with empty, aching arms. I even feel, at times, that I'm selfishly "taking" these babies - like if I didn't have them then somehow that would allow those other women to become mommies. I can intellectually know how absurd that notion is, but my human mind still has these thoughts.

I don't want to be selfish. This isn't a game of "let's see how many babies I can have" and I know that each of my children is a gift, a blessing, from The Lord. **He didn't desire for me to bring kids into the world when I was still a child myself, but those boys are still HIS creation and He loves them even more than I do**  I know I'm not really stealing babies from other couples when I become pregnant - I just wish there was something I could do for them! At one point in my life I seriously considered being a surrogate mother. My reasoning for that was these same, silly thoughts of guilt over being a mom when I knew so many couldn't. Obviously I never did that, and it probably wouldn't be allowed now after all these pregnancies. I suppose all I can really do is pray - pray for the women who are struggling month after month to become pregnant, pray for the couples who are waiting and waiting to adopt a baby and pray for all the kids in the world who don't know the love of a parent to find their way to mommies and daddies in waiting.

And I will continue to thank God everyday for ALL the blessings in my life... especially my beautiful babies!

Surprise, Surprise!



DS #4 Making the Announcement

Yes, it's true - baby #5 is on the way! I found out about 10 days ago. I just had that "feeling" that something was up, so decided to take a home test 5 days before the suggested time to first take it. To my surprise there was a faint line, but I thought maybe it was a fluke so I took another one within an hour. That one also had a faint line, but I thought that maybe they were both faulty since they came from the same package. So 2 days later I took 2 more and they also had faint lines. I still had my doubts, but those were diminishing. I went to my doctor the next day for a blood count which I had to wait 3 whole days to get the results for! The day I received the results of that test I was back in for a second blood count, per doctors orders, to make sure the numbers were going up. The next day (now a week since the first home test) my doctor called with the good news that the hcg levels had gone up significantly and everything seemed on track for now. Because of my history I'll be going in again on Monday for an ultrasound to make sure the little sesame seed-sized baby is in the right spot (I had an ectopic pregnancy 5 1/2 years ago which resulted in surgery to remove that baby and my left tube).

To answer some of the Facebook questions - my due date is March 18th. Right now it seems like it will be forever until this baby arrives - remember though, I found out way earlier than most women do. I think I'd be pregnant for a year just to actually prolong the addition of a newborn! Though I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune by, oh, 35 weeks :) And yes, I am praying for a girl! This isn't my first rodeo, I know very well intellectually that we could have another boy. Will I cry if that happens? Probably. But I trust my maker and the creator of the universe to make the decision! For now, until I hit 20 weeks near the end of October and head for that most exciting ultrasound of all, I'll keep politely asking God to bless me with a daughter! :))

I realize that some of you might think "What are they thinking?" "FIVE kids, really?!" And maybe some other thoughts that aren't so nice. You are entitled to your opinions and thank the Lord we live in a country where we can all decide how many children we want to have. But I do believe that children are blessings - in fact, here's a verse for you  "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:3  Soooo, we are accepting this blessing (boy or girl!) from the Father who loves us. I'm not saying it's gonna be a walk in the park, but I do believe this is part of the plan for our lives so who are we to judge that?!?!

More About ME

Did you ever get one of those chain emails with the "about me" survey questions? I'm sure I've done at least a handfull (and deleted plenty more). The purpose was to get to know your friends/family better, maybe find out things you would never know or even think to ask. Maybe this plays into the self-centered human nature, but sometimes it was fun to answer 50 questions about me, me, ME! Now with having our Facebook addictions you would think we know eachother quite well... right? Well I bet there are still plenty of things that most people don't know. Of course, there are MANY personal facts that I hope no one finds out! But I thought I'd do a little "Facts about ME" post.
*Disclaimer: There will be no profound information in the following. If you have something important to do, by all means don't waste your time here :) haha

• I'm addicted to chapstick, and have been for as long as I can remember.
• I did not graduate high school. BUT I did take all my GED tests in record time (cuz me smart!)
• I was a very well-behaved, quiet and polite child.
• I was a very naughty, mouthy and defiant teenager.
• I hate watermelon, but love watermelon flavored candy.
• I love grapes, but hate grape-flavored anything.
• I was pregnant before I got my 1st car.
• I've been pregnant 8 times - ahhh!
• I use to try to convince my little sister we had found her on the side of the road and then adopted her. - still not sure what sort of negative impact that had on her :/
• At one point in high school my GPA was .59 - overall in college was 3.6 (wish I could tell this to some of my old HS teachers!).
• I love watching TLC/Discovery Health shows, especially the trauma ones with guts and gore. But I'd never ever want to work in health care.
• My profession right now, besides full time mother & wife, is home daycare. However, I'm still undecided as to what I want to do with my life.
• In just 10 weeks I will hit the big 3-0. Not sure I'm ready for that yet.
• I love cherry ICEE's. Not slushies, or freezies or whatever else is out there. Only ICEE.
• I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. Unless in a hotel room, where I then have to sleep closest to the window.
• Chocolate covered raisins disgust me.
• My left leg is shorter than my right leg. If you've never noticed that before, you can thank the surgeon who sliced up my pretty little 11 year old knee to fix the discrepancy.
•  I once drove over my 5 year old son's leg, on accident of course, but he didn't even have a scratch! Thank God for His protection on that one!!
• I've never been stung by a bee. So contrary to popular belief - screaming and running with flailing arms at the sight of a bee does work.
• I have to use a q-tip in my ears after I shower. If I don't have one, then I won't shower til I get some.
• Because of my congenital hip dysplasia I can't sit Indian- style, aka, Criss cross applesauce. Physically not possible to put the left leg down where it should be.
• I miss watching Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, I Love Lucy and Bewitched.
• I hate ugly feet - especially when the owner of the ugly feet makes no effort whatsoever to spruce them up.
• I love babies :)  I'll bet most of you DID know that!

This Week

It's been a whole week since I last blogged, but it felt like forever. I guess I just don't have that interesting of a life to write about very often! There were a few times I got an idea, but just didn't get on the computer to blog about it. One of my recent posts was regarding my new running plan, which I successfully completed... the first week of, anyway - haha! I hurt my ankle about 1/2 way through day 1 of the second week (which was last Monday) and I still can't walk normal. I had high hopes of becoming a real runner, but at this point I'm thinking I may have to just be a "walker", which is still better than doing nothing. So I didn't do a whole lot this last week. We did make it to the pool twice and today I took 3 of the kids to the park and splashpad (oldest son wouldn't get out of bed) followed by cherry ICEEs for everyone - have I ever mentioned how much I looovvveee ICEEs?! Well I do :) 

DS #3 & #4 In the sand at the park today

DS #2,3 &4 at the splashpad

Hubs is working side jobs today and tomorrow, but at least we'll have Monday all together with the holiday. Our little boys have never been to see the fireworks displays and daddy really wants them to be able to experience it this year. I'm not thrilled with the idea of keeping them up that late or the task of finding somewhere to watch the show amidst all the drunks with 2 boys who don't like to walk nicely with mom and dad. And I can't chase them very well with my bum ankle! I suppose 4th of July fireworks is an all American tradition that even my little monsters should be able to take part of... we'll see how it goes.

The only other excitement lately is that our plane tickets have officially been booked for our tropical vacation next January - WAHOOO!! Hubs still says he doesn't really want to go *he wants to BE there, just not FLY to GET there*. He'll have to cowboy up when the time comes because we ARE going!

The End Of The Baby Era?

My sweet baby boy (DS #4) has finally gotten interested in going potty again. Over the last 6 months or so he would go before he got in the bath and every once in awhile throughout the day for no rhyme or reason. But 2 days ago he really started asking to go more often and stayed dry all night and most of the day wearing undies and pull ups. I hate potty training! The accidents, the constant reminding that it's time to go potty and most of all the mess around the toilet because my little boy thinks he needs to stand up like big boys! Yuck. Don't get me wrong, I'll be more than thrilled to not be changing (or buying) diapers, I'm just not a fan of the process. I also realized last night that once this "baby" of mine is done with diapers, we are officially out of the baby stage. He's very smart for being only 2, and he definitely thinks and acts like he's at least 4, but somehow the diapers kept him in the role of baby. I wonder if I'll always refer to my kids as "the big boys" and "the little boys" even when none of them are so little anymore... Will I always have the desire to have a baby in the house? Or will I finally move on from the stage of having babies, to raising them. I did have a few years with no baby around, the big boys were 6 & 8 when DS #3 came along, but during those baby-free years I always knew I had have more someday. Now I'm not so sure... which feels weird.

I guess for now I'll just focus on getting my baby through these exciting potty training days?weeks? Oh Lord, please let it be days! And from there will look forward to the next milestones of starting school and all that comes with that.

Run Katie, Run!

I first downloaded the C25K application on my phone about 2 months ago. I had good intentions of starting, but then made excuses day after day, week after week, for not going. I know a significant amount of people that have successfully started running over the last few years and have literally gone from the couch to running a 5k, some who have even ran a full marathon. Those people were my inspiration, along with our upcoming trip to Barbados for which I'd like to be "smokin' hot"! So finally on Monday, with the encouragement of a friend, I started the program. I honestly would've quit about half way through if she hadn't been there with me, as I didn't want to be embarrassed by giving up in front of her! We actually went a little more than the program said to (had to get back to our vehicles somehow). I felt a little sore and tired, but most importantly I felt accomplished! After months of pondering the idea of running, I had finally done it. Sure, I didn't run the whole 2 miles, but I completed day 1 of the training which was more physical activity than I've had in years. And I'm paying for it, still, 2 days later!! Ugh, my legs are so sore that I don't even want to go grocery shopping, which we desperately need, much less go run again tomorrow night. I guess this is hard proof of just how horribly out of shape I am, pathetic. Fortunately, or unfortunately - I haven't decided yet, a few more friends have started the program this week after my announcement that I had done it, so we're all "in it together"... in other words, I can't quit now even though my body is yelling "don't do it!". I sure hope it's true that it will get easier because I don't know how I'll function if my legs feel like this for much longer! But all in all, I'm super proud of myself for getting off the couch and out there into the running world. And I'm also thankful for the friend who offered to run with me (and encouraged me to start "tonight" and not put it off anymore), which I knew I would need to keep me going. Hopefully I'll reach my goal of running a 5k in the near future and also my goal of looking "smokin' hot" when I'm on the beach of the Caribbean next January!

All My Dads

Tomorrow is Father's Day, a day to celebrate and take some time to show our appreciation for the dads in our lives. I consider myself blessed for all the fathers in my life - my dad, stepdad, husband and my heavenly father. So I wanted to do a tribute post to them!

Dad - You may not be the most affectionate guy in the world, but I understand how you show your love for me in all the things you do around here for me. There's a country song that totally sums up our relationship - "he was saying 'I love you', the only way he knew how". Honestly, that song helped me realize that truth, that even though you don't give hugs and say the words, you do love me! I'm glad you moved here 5 years ago to be closer to me and my kids and it's amazing how our relationship has developed since then.

Stepdad - I am so thankful that you came into my life 21 years ago (can you believe it's been that long?!). You are one of the funniest guys I know and it's always a good time when you're around! You've done so much for my kids and I over the years, there's just no way to tell you how much you are appreciated. Thank you for being a good example of a godly man for my boys. I love all our conversations, whether they are light-hearted and funny or deep and theological. You're always make me feel special through your hugs and words of encouragement. I can't imagine my life without a DAD like you!

Husband - You came into my life when I was a single mom with 2 little boys who desperately needed a daddy, which you willingly jumped into being without hesitation. Since then you've given me 2 more boys and done a wonderful job being daddy to them all! I am blessed to have a husband who doesn't just sit on the sidelines of life, but who is always pitching in around the house (much more than most guys I know!) and constantly interacting and entertaining the kids with your "tickle bickles", horsey rides, wrestling matches, goofy voices and all the other crazy things you do :) Thank you for loving me, loving my older boys as your own and loving your role as a dad!

Heavenly Father - Thank you for all the blessings in my life, as I know they come from you. I would not be where I am today if not for your provision over my life and I wouldn't have the guarantee of eternal life in heaven if it weren't for your biggest gift and sacrifice - your own son, Jesus Christ. Thank you for all the dads in my life and for being my daddy when I needed one, for loving me unconditionally no matter what and for saving me from a life that was destined to lead me to... well, nowhere good.

                                             * I love you all, Happy Father's Day *