So long, Halloween

Halloween is not my favorite "holiday" (holiday in quotes because I don't really even consider it to be a holiday). My first experience trick or treating wasn't until 8th grade, and even then I didn't dress up, just went with some friends and had my whole bag of candy stolen by a delinquent teenager. Pitiful. When I was little we did dress up occasionally and went to church "Halleluja Partys" which were always fun, so I didn't feel like I was missing anything - maybe I didn't even know what I was actually missing. But after I had kids I decided, hesitantly, to partake in the normal halloween activities of costume buying and trick or treating. *Just a little background information :)

I had been telling Davon, who is 12, that he was too old to go begging for candy this year. He seemed fine with that and planned to stay home and pass out our candy while hubs and I were out with the younger kids. So I bought 3 bags of candy. Davon informed me an hour before we were to begin that he was going with friends to trick or treat... whatever. So my huge bowl of candy sat on my counter most of the night, until we got back and could pass it out - only 4 kids came by that point, what a waste. Oh well.

Dathan threw up at 5:00 and laid lethargically on the couch for about an hour before it was time to get ready. But just like I thought, nothing was going to keep him from free candy. Here's Jaden, my niece & Dathan.

Observations: It was like a ghost town for the first 10 minutes of walking, besides the little boy next door there wasn't a soul in sight. I started to wonder if I had missed the memo of Halloween being cancelled.
Before we sent the kids up to a door we reminded them to say "trick or treat" and "thank you"... EVERY house. Jaden would usually say trick or treat but forgot the thank you about 1/2 the time. So I would ask him why he didn't say it, to which he replied with "Ugh, I missed out on the thank-you! That's okay mom". Yeah, it's okay because you still got your candy, but it's not okay if the people are like me and get irritated when snot-nosed kids don't have manners.
I do NOT like it when people invite my young children in their house - this happened 3 or 4 times last night! Granted, all of them were older and probably grandparents themselves, but it's just weird. We would rush up from our post at the end of a driveway to supervise the interaction between these strangers and our boys. This just isn't the day in age when you can ask strange little kids into your home, sorry.
Seriously, why would someone dress their 6 or 7 year old little girl in what I call a hooker outfit?? This girl's sequin dress was so short that any wrong move would've revealed her little Dora panties and she could barely walk with her knee-high, heeled black boots. Not to mention you could see her shaking from the cold. Some people - I'll just never understand.

All in all it was a good night... no more puking, no runaway kids and most importantly a huge stash of candy for ME! I'm glad this day only comes around once a year and also that I won't be pregnant for it ever again! At least I burned a few calories before I pigged out on mini candy bars.

A Night at The Movies

Last night my husband and I went to a movie (all by ourselves!). We saw Courageous, which was wonderful and highly recommended. We rarely go to the theater, mostly because we never have a babysitter and also because I hate spending that much money on one movie that I'll soon be able to rent at Redbox for $1. But, the opportunity arose thanks to grandma, and we were excited to have a little date night.

So we were in the theater enjoying our outgrageously priced popcorn and pop about 15 minutes before showtime. It looked fairly empty when we got in there but filled up nicely by the start of the movie. We sat on the end of a row, leaving one seat between hubs and the aisle so he wouldn't have to share an armrest with a stranger (he's not big on public places full of people in close proximity). There were 4 seats between me and the next closest couple. About 7 minutes into the movie 2 old women walked in and came right for our row. Now, one would assume they would choose the seat right in the middle of me and the other couple, leaving an open seat on either side of each woman, but no. The rather large and not so quiet woman plopped right down next to me, stepping on my purse and knocking my extra napkins out of the cupholder beside me. Then she asks me if the movie started yet (again, not so quietly) and I tell her yes, this is it. She mumbled. She was nearly snuggling with me once she got comfortable so I spent the majority of the next hour and a half leaning close to hubs. Ok, that's not so bad, but still. I often get more irritated with people than I probably should, even moreso when pregnant. But some people are just... irritating! Throughout the entire movie she made "hmmm" noises - when something was sad, or funny, or a good point was made. Even worse though was how she would state the obvious, out loud, as if we needed her narratives to understand the story. I tell you what, had the movie not been so good I might have walked out. Or maybe if I wasn't afraid of hurting feelings, even those of irritating people I don't even know, I would've switched seats. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I saw her eyeing my popcorn (she had none) and my puppy chow that I brought in my purse, the purse she almost STEPPED on!

I know I sound like a spoiled brat, maybe even downright mean. That's not right, but it's how I felt! All in all, we both (my husband and I, not the old lady) very much enjoyed the movie and are thankful we were able to go see it. Next time maybe we'll leave a seat in between us open just in case somebody decides to cozy up next to me - I'll just scoot over one chair and voila! Problem solved. *Why didn't I think of this yesterday??

Dathan is 3 ~ Short walk down memory lane

3 years ago today I went in for an 8am induction to deliver what I thought was my last baby :) I told my nurse that I would be done by noon so I could eat lunch. They didn't start the process until 8:30 and  Dathan was born at 12:32, so I was absolutely correct in my prediction of a 4 hour labor and delivery! Of course, I didn't get to eat lunch since there were some complications with me afterwards - I was scared and thought that any second my doctor would say we're heading to the OR for a hysterectomy. I thank God that didn't happen and soon after I was holding my precious baby boy and getting to know this new part of our family.

Dathan has been such a blessing! His first few months of life were quite rough (for me), spending many hours of the day and night crying as I walked from one end of my house to the other trying to soothe him. But after that he was a good baby and has been a good toddler as well. He's so smart and says some of the funniest things (I only wish I had written down all the cute & funny things my kids have said over the years). In one sense it's weird that my baby is already 3, but in another it's like he's been here forever - and I can't imagine life without my Boo-Boo!

Happy Birthday baby boy, we love you so much! You are proof that even when we don't plan a pregnancy and other people think you're crazy for "having another baby"... God, the giver of life, knows what He's doing!

Coming of Age

The time has come - tomorrow I'm entering a new decade of life, the 30's. I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I still feel like a teenager - like when I sleep in til 11, try to shop in the juniors section and don't understand "adult" conversations about politics or 401k's or the stock market. And I still have thoughts of "what am I gonna do with my life?" Other times I feel like I should be 20 years older than I am for how much life I've lived. After all, I've been having babies for 13 years now!

For some strange, annoying reason I've been waking up every morning with no alarm clock at 6:30 everyday. Of course, I don't actually get out of bed until my alarm tells me it's time to do so, but it's the strangest thing for the girl who literally had to be dragged out of bed by her mother for years and years! I also recently started watching Frasier, a show I remember seeing my parents watch years ago and absolutely did not ever grasp the concepts or humor in. But now I laugh! That made me realize that I must be getting old - to find that show funny and actually understand most of the words they say. Sounds dumb, I know.

I remember thinking 30 was so old! "Why do 30 year old women even bother wearing makeup and getting their hair done?" or "Why do old people in their 30's still have babies?"  Yeah, how ridiculous?! But really, when I was a kid did the women in their 30's feel and act like I do now? Because they sure seemed much more mature. If I do sit and think back to 5 or 10 years ago, I can see how I definitely have matured and changed. And I'm glad I don't still think and reason as I did when I was 20. Even more so, I'm glad I'm not spiritually where I was 5-10 years ago.

I won't cry or get depressed about getting "old". My hope is that I'll be like a fine wine, and only get better with age :)  *I've never had wine, but I hear that's what happens... haha*

They're Not Ready!

I'm not an expert at parenting, not by a long shot. But I do know one thing - if you let your kids "date" at an early age it will only lead to negative outcomes. Trust me, I know this from experience. It makes me sad (and almost sick sometimes) to see 12, 13 & 14 year olds hugging on the opposite sex and talking about who's the new girlfriend/boyfriend this month or even week. It makes me even more sad when this behavior is actually encouraged by the parents! Do you like seeing your child completely focused on a boyfriend or girlfriend? Does it not bother you when they they are depressed from the latest breakup? At that age they have no idea what being in a relationship really means and I don't believe that even if they did intellectually understand what goes into a relationship that they can emotionally handle any of it. We all know that these kids will not end up together in adulthood, so basically they are just wasting their time and lots of energy on "flings". And the sooner they start "dating", the sooner they will do things that should only be done by adults in marriage - this is a proven fact.

My son is not happy about having to wait until he's at least 16 to start dating and brings it up once in awhile with the argument of "everyone else is doing it". I tell him I feel sorry for the kids whose parents don't care enough to at least try and prevent their kids from getting caught up in the boyfriend/girlfriend drama, but I DO love him and want only the best for him. And because I know personally the heartache that can last for years and years due to choices made at these tender ages, I want to do whatever I can to spare my kids from having to deal with that.

*I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone in particular so please don't take it that way. I just had to share my feelings on the subject as it's been on my heart for quite some time.

Early Pregnancy Worry

Today I go for my first of many regular prenatal appointments. Even though I do feel "different", I worry that something has or will go wrong. Must be because of the other miscarriages and ectopic, on top of all the medical problems I've had over the last couple years. I saw the heart beating at my ultrasound when I was 6 1/2 weeks, but I know things can still go downhill even after that. Hopefully the heartbeat will be strong enough now at 10 1/2 weeks to be heard on doppler and my mind can be at ease. Whatever happens, happens. I just want to know!

Awkward

Last night I took both of my older boys to their school's open houses. 5th grade for Jerell and 7th grade for Davon. Wow! The first one at the elementary school was pretty hectic, but we did what was supposed to be done. Then we went to the middle school. So, it's his 2nd year there but it still seems strange that I have a child this old. I can still remember [quite clearly] being in middle school and now I'm there as a parent.

We're walking down a long hallway to find Davon's locker when some girls see him and yell out his name, obviously very excited to see him. I feel awkward... What am I suppose to do? Should I stand there and watch as my little boy hugs and converses with girls? Do I tell him I'm in a hurry so let's get moving? I want to be a cool, un-embarrassing mom - so I just keep walking as if I have no idea who my own son is! I go down the hall and continue looking for the locker, casually peeking back to spy on these not-so-shy girls who are apparently not letting my handsome boy get away too quickly. He does finally head my way a couple minutes later and of course, has no idea of what I've just been through!

I'm not ready for all this!

Craziness

I'm only 8 weeks in so I really hate to complain already, but I just need a moment. Okay, maybe a few moments... to whine about how CRAPPY I feel! I spent most of today fighting a headache and trying not to throw up. Driving to the store I almost had to pull over to puke and a few times in the store I thought I would need to bolt to the bathroom. In the end, I never actually threw up but that's little consolation. I came home from my short shopping trip in tears, telling my husband that "this sucks" and I can't wait for my 6 week post-baby checkup to have my tubes plugged. I'm never doing this again!

I know that we tend to forget how we truly felt being pregnant (or while in labor, but that's another story), but I just don't remember feeling this icky. And it's not just the exhaustion, headaches, nausea, bloating or having to get up every 2 hours at night to pee... it's the emotional rollercoaster that I still seem to be on. It was worse in the very beginning with tears running down my broken out face for no apparent reason, but the up and down emotions are still a part of daily life. I look at myself and feel horrible for how out of shape I am and feel like a fat, gross, jiggly lump of laziness. I feel guilty for having no motivation to do anything - especially things like taking my kids to the park or even just outside for more than 5 minutes to play. For some reason, I also feel like there are people who are secretly hoping I have another boy just so they can say "ha, that's what you get"...  I'd like to think that's far from the truth, but something in me keeps having those thoughts. In case you are, in fact, one of those people let me say this now - this baby is a blessing from God and I will be delighted when I see this precious gift and hold it in my arms, regardless of whether it's a he or a she. Yes, I'd like the opportunity to have a daughter (and think I'd be quite good with a girl!), but I realize that God knows what He's doing and has a plan for our lives that we don't always see.

Anyway, I'm just struggling today. I'm starting to wonder if I'm too old to be doing this again! I know I'm only 29, but since I started so young it's like my body is actually 40. I've been having children for 13 years now! What?! I had babies in '99, '01, '07, '08 and now '12. Get this - I will be 30 years old and have had babies in 3 different decades!!! Craziness? YES!

I'm counting down til the 2nd trimester, praying that it brings some relief for all the physical and emotional crud (for lack of a better word). But I'm also thinking... maybe this one will be not-so-fun, to put it mildly, so that I will finally be completely over the desire to have more babies. If that's the case, it's working so far!

Why Me?

Today I had my second ultrasound for this pregnancy at only 6 weeks (the first one, at 5 weeks, we only saw a sac with nothing in it, though that is common at that early stage). As soon as my doctor started the scan I could see the tiny baby and it's beating heart. It made this all the more real for me, actually seeing a living baby, even though it's less than a centimeter in size and definitely looks more like an amphibian than a human!

This will be my 5th child... sounds crazy, I know. And it's had me thinking how blessed I've been to already have 4 kids and now get to have another. But why? Why am I able to get pregnant so easily? Why did I have 2 kids while I was still a teenager when there are women out there who try for decades unsuccessfully to get pregnant? Why are my babies born healthy and without complication when other women have sick babies, some of which pass before they're born or are born alive only to live for a few minutes? Why me???

I'm not better than anyone else, or somehow more deserving. And I certainly haven't earned any special status based on many of my life choices.. :/  I feel guilty sometimes when I look at my kids and think about all the would-be moms in the world with empty, aching arms. I even feel, at times, that I'm selfishly "taking" these babies - like if I didn't have them then somehow that would allow those other women to become mommies. I can intellectually know how absurd that notion is, but my human mind still has these thoughts.

I don't want to be selfish. This isn't a game of "let's see how many babies I can have" and I know that each of my children is a gift, a blessing, from The Lord. **He didn't desire for me to bring kids into the world when I was still a child myself, but those boys are still HIS creation and He loves them even more than I do**  I know I'm not really stealing babies from other couples when I become pregnant - I just wish there was something I could do for them! At one point in my life I seriously considered being a surrogate mother. My reasoning for that was these same, silly thoughts of guilt over being a mom when I knew so many couldn't. Obviously I never did that, and it probably wouldn't be allowed now after all these pregnancies. I suppose all I can really do is pray - pray for the women who are struggling month after month to become pregnant, pray for the couples who are waiting and waiting to adopt a baby and pray for all the kids in the world who don't know the love of a parent to find their way to mommies and daddies in waiting.

And I will continue to thank God everyday for ALL the blessings in my life... especially my beautiful babies!

Surprise, Surprise!



DS #4 Making the Announcement

Yes, it's true - baby #5 is on the way! I found out about 10 days ago. I just had that "feeling" that something was up, so decided to take a home test 5 days before the suggested time to first take it. To my surprise there was a faint line, but I thought maybe it was a fluke so I took another one within an hour. That one also had a faint line, but I thought that maybe they were both faulty since they came from the same package. So 2 days later I took 2 more and they also had faint lines. I still had my doubts, but those were diminishing. I went to my doctor the next day for a blood count which I had to wait 3 whole days to get the results for! The day I received the results of that test I was back in for a second blood count, per doctors orders, to make sure the numbers were going up. The next day (now a week since the first home test) my doctor called with the good news that the hcg levels had gone up significantly and everything seemed on track for now. Because of my history I'll be going in again on Monday for an ultrasound to make sure the little sesame seed-sized baby is in the right spot (I had an ectopic pregnancy 5 1/2 years ago which resulted in surgery to remove that baby and my left tube).

To answer some of the Facebook questions - my due date is March 18th. Right now it seems like it will be forever until this baby arrives - remember though, I found out way earlier than most women do. I think I'd be pregnant for a year just to actually prolong the addition of a newborn! Though I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune by, oh, 35 weeks :) And yes, I am praying for a girl! This isn't my first rodeo, I know very well intellectually that we could have another boy. Will I cry if that happens? Probably. But I trust my maker and the creator of the universe to make the decision! For now, until I hit 20 weeks near the end of October and head for that most exciting ultrasound of all, I'll keep politely asking God to bless me with a daughter! :))

I realize that some of you might think "What are they thinking?" "FIVE kids, really?!" And maybe some other thoughts that aren't so nice. You are entitled to your opinions and thank the Lord we live in a country where we can all decide how many children we want to have. But I do believe that children are blessings - in fact, here's a verse for you  "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:3  Soooo, we are accepting this blessing (boy or girl!) from the Father who loves us. I'm not saying it's gonna be a walk in the park, but I do believe this is part of the plan for our lives so who are we to judge that?!?!

More About ME

Did you ever get one of those chain emails with the "about me" survey questions? I'm sure I've done at least a handfull (and deleted plenty more). The purpose was to get to know your friends/family better, maybe find out things you would never know or even think to ask. Maybe this plays into the self-centered human nature, but sometimes it was fun to answer 50 questions about me, me, ME! Now with having our Facebook addictions you would think we know eachother quite well... right? Well I bet there are still plenty of things that most people don't know. Of course, there are MANY personal facts that I hope no one finds out! But I thought I'd do a little "Facts about ME" post.
*Disclaimer: There will be no profound information in the following. If you have something important to do, by all means don't waste your time here :) haha

• I'm addicted to chapstick, and have been for as long as I can remember.
• I did not graduate high school. BUT I did take all my GED tests in record time (cuz me smart!)
• I was a very well-behaved, quiet and polite child.
• I was a very naughty, mouthy and defiant teenager.
• I hate watermelon, but love watermelon flavored candy.
• I love grapes, but hate grape-flavored anything.
• I was pregnant before I got my 1st car.
• I've been pregnant 8 times - ahhh!
• I use to try to convince my little sister we had found her on the side of the road and then adopted her. - still not sure what sort of negative impact that had on her :/
• At one point in high school my GPA was .59 - overall in college was 3.6 (wish I could tell this to some of my old HS teachers!).
• I love watching TLC/Discovery Health shows, especially the trauma ones with guts and gore. But I'd never ever want to work in health care.
• My profession right now, besides full time mother & wife, is home daycare. However, I'm still undecided as to what I want to do with my life.
• In just 10 weeks I will hit the big 3-0. Not sure I'm ready for that yet.
• I love cherry ICEE's. Not slushies, or freezies or whatever else is out there. Only ICEE.
• I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. Unless in a hotel room, where I then have to sleep closest to the window.
• Chocolate covered raisins disgust me.
• My left leg is shorter than my right leg. If you've never noticed that before, you can thank the surgeon who sliced up my pretty little 11 year old knee to fix the discrepancy.
•  I once drove over my 5 year old son's leg, on accident of course, but he didn't even have a scratch! Thank God for His protection on that one!!
• I've never been stung by a bee. So contrary to popular belief - screaming and running with flailing arms at the sight of a bee does work.
• I have to use a q-tip in my ears after I shower. If I don't have one, then I won't shower til I get some.
• Because of my congenital hip dysplasia I can't sit Indian- style, aka, Criss cross applesauce. Physically not possible to put the left leg down where it should be.
• I miss watching Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, I Love Lucy and Bewitched.
• I hate ugly feet - especially when the owner of the ugly feet makes no effort whatsoever to spruce them up.
• I love babies :)  I'll bet most of you DID know that!

This Week

It's been a whole week since I last blogged, but it felt like forever. I guess I just don't have that interesting of a life to write about very often! There were a few times I got an idea, but just didn't get on the computer to blog about it. One of my recent posts was regarding my new running plan, which I successfully completed... the first week of, anyway - haha! I hurt my ankle about 1/2 way through day 1 of the second week (which was last Monday) and I still can't walk normal. I had high hopes of becoming a real runner, but at this point I'm thinking I may have to just be a "walker", which is still better than doing nothing. So I didn't do a whole lot this last week. We did make it to the pool twice and today I took 3 of the kids to the park and splashpad (oldest son wouldn't get out of bed) followed by cherry ICEEs for everyone - have I ever mentioned how much I looovvveee ICEEs?! Well I do :) 

DS #3 & #4 In the sand at the park today

DS #2,3 &4 at the splashpad

Hubs is working side jobs today and tomorrow, but at least we'll have Monday all together with the holiday. Our little boys have never been to see the fireworks displays and daddy really wants them to be able to experience it this year. I'm not thrilled with the idea of keeping them up that late or the task of finding somewhere to watch the show amidst all the drunks with 2 boys who don't like to walk nicely with mom and dad. And I can't chase them very well with my bum ankle! I suppose 4th of July fireworks is an all American tradition that even my little monsters should be able to take part of... we'll see how it goes.

The only other excitement lately is that our plane tickets have officially been booked for our tropical vacation next January - WAHOOO!! Hubs still says he doesn't really want to go *he wants to BE there, just not FLY to GET there*. He'll have to cowboy up when the time comes because we ARE going!

The End Of The Baby Era?

My sweet baby boy (DS #4) has finally gotten interested in going potty again. Over the last 6 months or so he would go before he got in the bath and every once in awhile throughout the day for no rhyme or reason. But 2 days ago he really started asking to go more often and stayed dry all night and most of the day wearing undies and pull ups. I hate potty training! The accidents, the constant reminding that it's time to go potty and most of all the mess around the toilet because my little boy thinks he needs to stand up like big boys! Yuck. Don't get me wrong, I'll be more than thrilled to not be changing (or buying) diapers, I'm just not a fan of the process. I also realized last night that once this "baby" of mine is done with diapers, we are officially out of the baby stage. He's very smart for being only 2, and he definitely thinks and acts like he's at least 4, but somehow the diapers kept him in the role of baby. I wonder if I'll always refer to my kids as "the big boys" and "the little boys" even when none of them are so little anymore... Will I always have the desire to have a baby in the house? Or will I finally move on from the stage of having babies, to raising them. I did have a few years with no baby around, the big boys were 6 & 8 when DS #3 came along, but during those baby-free years I always knew I had have more someday. Now I'm not so sure... which feels weird.

I guess for now I'll just focus on getting my baby through these exciting potty training days?weeks? Oh Lord, please let it be days! And from there will look forward to the next milestones of starting school and all that comes with that.

Run Katie, Run!

I first downloaded the C25K application on my phone about 2 months ago. I had good intentions of starting, but then made excuses day after day, week after week, for not going. I know a significant amount of people that have successfully started running over the last few years and have literally gone from the couch to running a 5k, some who have even ran a full marathon. Those people were my inspiration, along with our upcoming trip to Barbados for which I'd like to be "smokin' hot"! So finally on Monday, with the encouragement of a friend, I started the program. I honestly would've quit about half way through if she hadn't been there with me, as I didn't want to be embarrassed by giving up in front of her! We actually went a little more than the program said to (had to get back to our vehicles somehow). I felt a little sore and tired, but most importantly I felt accomplished! After months of pondering the idea of running, I had finally done it. Sure, I didn't run the whole 2 miles, but I completed day 1 of the training which was more physical activity than I've had in years. And I'm paying for it, still, 2 days later!! Ugh, my legs are so sore that I don't even want to go grocery shopping, which we desperately need, much less go run again tomorrow night. I guess this is hard proof of just how horribly out of shape I am, pathetic. Fortunately, or unfortunately - I haven't decided yet, a few more friends have started the program this week after my announcement that I had done it, so we're all "in it together"... in other words, I can't quit now even though my body is yelling "don't do it!". I sure hope it's true that it will get easier because I don't know how I'll function if my legs feel like this for much longer! But all in all, I'm super proud of myself for getting off the couch and out there into the running world. And I'm also thankful for the friend who offered to run with me (and encouraged me to start "tonight" and not put it off anymore), which I knew I would need to keep me going. Hopefully I'll reach my goal of running a 5k in the near future and also my goal of looking "smokin' hot" when I'm on the beach of the Caribbean next January!

All My Dads

Tomorrow is Father's Day, a day to celebrate and take some time to show our appreciation for the dads in our lives. I consider myself blessed for all the fathers in my life - my dad, stepdad, husband and my heavenly father. So I wanted to do a tribute post to them!

Dad - You may not be the most affectionate guy in the world, but I understand how you show your love for me in all the things you do around here for me. There's a country song that totally sums up our relationship - "he was saying 'I love you', the only way he knew how". Honestly, that song helped me realize that truth, that even though you don't give hugs and say the words, you do love me! I'm glad you moved here 5 years ago to be closer to me and my kids and it's amazing how our relationship has developed since then.

Stepdad - I am so thankful that you came into my life 21 years ago (can you believe it's been that long?!). You are one of the funniest guys I know and it's always a good time when you're around! You've done so much for my kids and I over the years, there's just no way to tell you how much you are appreciated. Thank you for being a good example of a godly man for my boys. I love all our conversations, whether they are light-hearted and funny or deep and theological. You're always make me feel special through your hugs and words of encouragement. I can't imagine my life without a DAD like you!

Husband - You came into my life when I was a single mom with 2 little boys who desperately needed a daddy, which you willingly jumped into being without hesitation. Since then you've given me 2 more boys and done a wonderful job being daddy to them all! I am blessed to have a husband who doesn't just sit on the sidelines of life, but who is always pitching in around the house (much more than most guys I know!) and constantly interacting and entertaining the kids with your "tickle bickles", horsey rides, wrestling matches, goofy voices and all the other crazy things you do :) Thank you for loving me, loving my older boys as your own and loving your role as a dad!

Heavenly Father - Thank you for all the blessings in my life, as I know they come from you. I would not be where I am today if not for your provision over my life and I wouldn't have the guarantee of eternal life in heaven if it weren't for your biggest gift and sacrifice - your own son, Jesus Christ. Thank you for all the dads in my life and for being my daddy when I needed one, for loving me unconditionally no matter what and for saving me from a life that was destined to lead me to... well, nowhere good.

                                             * I love you all, Happy Father's Day *
 

SAHM

So far today I've gotten the little kids up, dressed and fed, took DS #4  to "school" (which is a big task, let me tell you!), cleaned the kitchen, did 3 loads of laundry, scrubbed the kitchen floor, cleaned the bathtub, changed my sheets, fed the kids lunch, swept the steps and entryway, vacuumed, took big kids to the pool, put hilites in my hair (currently processing) and, of course, played with the kids - and it's not even 5. Why did list everything I did today? Well, I think it's the stay-at-home mom syndrome: feeling somewhat inferior to those who have "real jobs" and seeking validation for the work we do at home. When you work outside the home you have responsibilities and expectations for which you receive monetary compensation for when completed. What do we get for all the effort we put in at home? Usually not much. Moms and the work we do is one of the most under-appreciated things I can think of. I often feel the need to point out certain tasks I completed throughout the day to my husband when he gets home from work, I suppose so he knows that I didn't just sit and watch soap operas all day! Sure, there is down time (obviously, or I wouldn't have time to do this!), but we shouldn't feel guilty for taking 5-10 minutes here and there for ourselves. In fact, if I was working I would probably be guaranteed at least 60 minutes throughout the workday to do whatever I please.

I know that raising our kids is the most important job we'll ever have. And I'm not expecting to be praised for every little thing I did throughout the day. I just wish I didn't have those thoughts of being less-than or inadequate for not contributing as much as I'm capable of.

Silly Mommy

Today as I left to take DS #2 to the pool, carrying a baby and ushering DS #4 to the van, I realized I still had my slippers on. I figured no one would know and I'd rather not take the time to go back inside, get shoes on and start the parade to the van all over again. That got me thinking about all things we, as moms, say, think and do that we probably never thought we would. Here are some of the things that came to mind that I will admit to...

Took the kids to school while still in my pajamas and often no bra - just praying I don't get pulled over.

Picked a binky up off the floor and licking it to make sure it's "clean" before giving it to the baby.

Went through half the day before noticing my shirt was on backwards or inside out.

Called one of my boys by 3 other names before I finally say the correct one (even when looking right at him) many times.

Pretended that the tantruming child on the floor of Walmart was not my own.

Stated "because I'm your mom and I said so!" even though I swore I'd never say that to my own kids.

Made up "facts" about geography or science when my kids asked me something I had absolutely no idea about.

Measured the cleanliness of a piece of clothing by smelling it.

Licked my finger so I could wipe crud off my kid's face - another thing I swore I'd never do.

Wrote made-up dates of "baby's firsts" in the baby book years after the fact so my son won't think I didn't care when he reads it someday.

Nursed my newborn in a bathroom stall of a restaurant because I was scared to do it in public.

Sent my husband "out to have fun alone" so I could call & tell him I was pregnant with #4 over the phone instead of in person.

Went out in public with spit-up, dried food and the likes on my clothes (sometimes without knowing and sometimes just thinking "who cares").

I'm sure there are many more things I've said and done as a mom that my younger self would say to me now "I'll never do that!". And I'm sure my fellow moms out there have plenty of stories of their own! I'll leave you with a couple funny quotes I found, enjoy :)

"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylum would be filled with mothers."
~Edgar Watson Howe

"It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it."
~The Golden Girls

Summer Tips

83 degrees and school is out - summer is officially here! And so begins the arguing, whining and "I'm bored" from the big kids. City pools open tomorrow and I plan on getting passes today so I can send them off every day when the temp is above 70. I hope to make there myself much more often than last year, but will only be able to when I don't have daycare kids.

I thought this would be a good time to share a few summer tips, so here it goes.

1. If you complained about how cold it was all winter, don't let me hear you crying about the heat. It's summer, it's hot, it's the same every year.
2. If you have to buy size large or bigger, you have no business wearing a bikini to the pool. Sure, it makes me feel better about how I look, but we still don't want to see it! You know better.
3. Short shorts are for teenagers, not moms.
4. Don't send your kids to their friends house everyday near lunch time in hopes they'll be fed. I have enough kids to take care of as it is.
5. Go buy sunblock. If you don't care about 1st or 2nd degree burns on yourself that's your prerogative. But even though your little kids look cute with a tan, it's really not worth the risk, is it?

If you have any more tips, please share! Enjoy your summer!

Complain or Encourage

I really don't want to be one of those people who complain all the time, constantly telling everyone how horrible their life is and all the problems they have. It gets old reading facebook post after post about everything that's wrong with them and their life. And it's made me notice the people who are always positive and seem to enjoy life! I'm sure they have problems as well as everyone else, but they have that "glass 1/2 full" outlook.

The Bible even talks about complaining and being discontent, and how we should make sure our words are encouraging to others. I'm not gifted in the area of encouragement, and for whatever reason have a difficult time (for the most part) saying uplifting things to people or even giving compliments. I may think it in my head, but just don't say it out loud. Maybe a psychiatrist could figure out the deep rooted issues I have that make this such a problem... but I won't be seeing one of those any time soon.

Sometimes, though, it's just nice to vent, to let loose all the thoughts that are bottled up inside. I've been dealing with pain from my "female issues" for about a year and a half, landing in the emergency room again Tuesday night. On top of that, my neck and shoulder have been bothering me since Monday (after sleeping in a hotel bed, but who knows if that's the cause) and is getting worse - in fact, I could hardly sleep last night and it's been quite difficult to do the normal things I do with the kids this morning and was nearly impossible to drive since I can barely turn my head to either side. I've been praying for healing, but at this point the pain is still there. So I'll continue to pray and hope that the pain, in both areas of my messed up body, will subside quickly.

Now that I've had my moment to whine, I will do my very best to not keep talking about it. I don't want my complaints to bring anyone else down. And I surely don't want to become one of those annoying people who do nothing but look at the negatives in life and make sure everyone around them knows about it. I have wonderful kids, a nice home, a husband who loves me, a supportive church family and a savior who loves me more than I could ever know. I will focus, as best that I can, on all the blessings in my life and continue to work on being uplifting and encouraging to others!

Succesful Trip

We've been back from our little family getaway to the waterpark hotel for about 2 hours now and both my husband and I have been busy with chores since we walked in. No break for parents! Well, of course there are some breaks or I wouldn't be writing right now :)

The trip was a success, defined by: no near-drownings, no fighting, no injuries or sickness and fun had by all! The only negative part was the 2 hours it took us to get our youngest boys to fall asleep. I can't believe how much energy 2 little people can have even after a day with no nap and plenty of swimming!

And to top off a great weekend, when I got home I realized my dad, who had stayed at my house to dog sit, cleaned my oven to a sparkling shine! There's something I can cross of my to-do list.

Hubs is out cleaning the van and doing some yard work, and now that I've scratched the itch of internet addiction I can get back to my duties. Home sweet home!

Once in awhile, whining pays off

I didn't fully realize it was Memorial Day this Monday until a few days ago. I guess people who have "real jobs" always know what holiday is coming up because they're looking forward to an extra day off. I imagine people have also been making plans for this weekend for some time now, and I know many who went camping (not my cup of tea whatsoever!).

 My family, however, had nothing planned as usual. Me forgetting it was even a holiday is not the only reason for this, we just don't really celebrate Memorial Day, 4th of July or Labor Day. But for some reason I started feeling bad that we had absolutely nothing to do and posted my thoughts about it on Facebook. Grandpa and Grandma to the rescue! My mom called shortly thereafter and said my wonderful stepdad decided we should all go to a hotel/waterpark Sunday and Monday! My 4 year old has been obsessed with "big buckets" ever since our trip to Wisconsin Dells last summer, and repeatedly asks to watch Youtube videos of the 350 gallon buckets dumping water on the swimmers below. I can't wait to see his face when he finally gets to see one in person again tomorrow!

I still feel bad that we don't always celebrate these summer holidays with family like most other people, and even worse that I don't know the origins or difference between Memorial and Labor Day. Maybe I'll do my homework and figure that out now that I'm an adult. And maybe as the little boys are getting older (and a tad bit easier to manage in public) we can even take the whole family to the big 4th of July celebration and fireworks this year. But for now, I'm happy that my moment of complaining on Facebook yesterday paid off and we now have something FUN to do this Holiday weekend.

~ And a big shout out to my awesome parents who are making it happen, like always. Thank you!!!

Too Tight

I put on a pair of capris on the other day from last summer, and my goodness they were tight. Yesterday I noticed how tight my jeans were getting - I still wore them, but the hips and legs were tight. My shirts are tight, and I'm not prepared mentally to see if last year's swim suit is too tight. Conclusion: after losing weight amazingly fast after my last baby in '08 I am definitely on my way back up in size. It's very disappointing, but since I didn't put any effort into losing it in the first place (besides feeding my baby) I suppose I can't be too upset. Fact is, the only real effort I've ever put into losing weight were the few times I nearly starved myself and the few months I worked out at the Y, which I still didn't do on a regular basis. I did download the C25K app on my phone a few weeks ago, but have yet to even look at it. Last week I walked for about 20 minutes 2 days in a row and was extremely proud of myself, but then the next day I had a shin splint in 1 leg and that was excuse enough to not walk again. I've been saying for awhile that I wish I was a runner, enjoying as much as the friends I have who run, but I just don't think I'm cut out for it. Am I destined to be flabby for the rest of my life? To be so out of shape that I'd rather drive around a parking lot for 10 minutes then have to exurt the energy to walk an extra 20 feet? Will I ever be able to break the habit of waking up in the middle of the night to eat? (I do love my Reese's Peanut Butter cups at 3am!) Maybe I'll just buy some bigger clothes again, and start saving for liposuction.

Hug Your Babies

Watching the Casey Anthony trial (the young, single mom accused of killing her 2 year old daughter in '08) my heart is saddened. I don't know for sure if she is the one who caused her daughter's death (and I'm certainly glad I don't have to be a juror in the trial), only Casey and God know the whole truth. I do know that the overwhelming consenses is that she did, in fact, murder her little girl and cover it up while continuing to live a normal [party] lifestyle for 31 days after Caylee's death. Right here in Iowa a mother killed her youngest son and attempted to kill her older son, who survived and actually helped convict his own mother. What causes a seemingly "normal" person, a mother, to harm and even murder her own child? What goes on in her mind that makes her decide to take the life of the child she carried for 9 months and gave birth to? I know there are certain guidelines for a person to be found "criminally insane" in a court room, but I surmise that all the mothers (and there have been many) who have commited these heinous acts against their own flesh and blood are not of sound mind, and must be dealing with incredible demons in their minds.  Sure, I get frustrated with my kids and even angry from time to time - but I have never had even a fleeting thought of seriously hurting any of them much less killing them. I think most moms, who are being honest, would say there are times you wonder what you were thinking when you decided to have kids - that you had no idea parenthood would be so challenging! And we have passing moments when you imagine what you'd be doing right now in your life if you didn't have kids. (When I have these thoughts my usual conclusion is that life would be quite boring and I have no idea what I'd do with myself all day!) But in a "normal", sane person none of theses thoughts or somewhat depressing times would ever lead you to the point of murdering your child. I understand parenting is hard, but there are many rewards too. I pray that these woman who have found no other way to cope but to rid themselves of their children would find the peace and forgiveness of The Lord. And for the rest of, let's just remember to not take our precious children, or the lives we've been given, for granted. So hug and kiss your babies and thank God that you are not struggling with the obvious heavy burden and darkness that Casey Anthony and so many other women have lived with.

Super Mom?

I wish I was a super organized, "Type A" kind of mom. Does my desire to be this way count for something? I hope so. I finally started using a calendar last year, in hopes of keeping track of everything so I wouldn't forget about appointments, ball games, piano practices and the never ending early school dismissals and days off. But somehow I still manage to lose track of what's going on - I do look at the calendar, I really do. It must just not register in my mom brain. I finally bought a bunch of storage bins and went through all the kids clothes, separating and labeling them by size, hoping to make it easier to get ready for the new seasons and to sell the outgrown clothing online. But then the bins were placed in various places throughout the house and garage and I'm overwhelmed at the idea of dragging them all out and doing all the work that goes into listing clothing on ebay. I bought a dry erase board to write the various chores that my older boys are required to do each day so they can easily see what they're suppose to do when they get home from school. But I only seem to remember to write on that board about once a week, even though I walk past it over and over throughout the day. My closets need organized, stuff needs gathered to go to Goodwill, the junk drawers need a good cleaning, the socks with no match that reside in my hutch drawer need to either find a mate or find the trash, my pictures need to be uploaded, printed and put into albums, and let's not even talk about the junk being stored under my bed that needs a real home. I need a system for keeping track of all the papers my kids bring home from school, some that needs returned with my signature which I usually find a week later. I need a system for saving important documents like birth certificates, vehicle titles and loan papers. I need a system for couponing and planning menus and grocery lists. And there's probably many more "systems" and organizational ideas that I don't even think of. However, I just wasn't born with this type of DNA and have little hope of ever really becoming Mrs Organization. My kids are clean, fed, healthy and happy. So I guess that's good enough for me at this point. I probably won't be nominated for mother of the year, but I am who I am - an unorganized, forgetful, sometimes messy, loving mom!

Small Town Fever

When I was younger and we would visit family members in various small towns in North Dakota, I would always say that I could never live in a small town - no mall, no Walmart, no street lights! I just couldn't imagine not being in a bigger city with more "oportunities". Now as I'm getting older and raising my own 4 children I think I'm starting to get small town fever. I'm imagining walking to the nearby park with the kids, knowing all my neighbors and not having to worry about letting my little ones play outside and even wander the neighborhood. Not to mention how difficult it would be for my older kids to get away with anything when the whole town knows everyone and word travels fast. I don't think I could live too far away from a large city where I could easily drive to get groceries or make a quick trip to Target when  we're on the last roll of toilet paper, or the sudden realization that my baby is wearing the last diaper. Small town living might never be in my future... who knows. But I have to admit I've surprised myself at how much I've changed from that teenager who thought small towns were for old people and country bumpkins!

Not Much More Future To Worry About

Due to President Obama's recent statements regarding Israel, I'm more certain than ever that we are living in the end times. It doesn't take a genious to figure out things are getting worse - the weather with all the hurricanes, tornados and earthquakes, the wars which seem to have no end in sight, etc... So my philisophical theory is that maybe I can just go ahead and plan on not being around for long. I'll keep deferring my student loans, won't worry about a 401k and maybe best of all I won't have to turn into a slouchy, smelly, wrinkly old lady! I'm only a few months away from the big 3-0 and I almost can't believe it. On one hand I feel like I've lived through so much and the other hand I still don't always feel like an adult. I'm sure there's a psychological definition for my life - becoming a mom at 17 didn't give me much time to grow into adulthood like most people. I missed out on a lot because of those choices made as a teenager, but then again all I ever wanted to be was a mom. So when this earthly life ends (which I do fully believe will be through rapture and not death) I won't be feeling bad about missing prom and graduation. Anyway, I'm gonna plan on not being around after about, oh, 10 years. So let's see what I can accomplish in that amount of time! Maybe a few more kids... hahaha ;)

I'm Still Here

Either the "7000+"  guy is wrong, or I've done missed the rapture. But since my young children who have not reached the age of accountability are still running around outside, I'm sure that my Jesus is still at the right hand of the Father. This whole spectacle has, however, served a purpose for this household... I was able to again talk about the importance of always being ready for the return of Christ with my family. Truthfully, He could come back tonight or maybe tomorrow or maybe not for 10 or more years. But we need to be ready whenever the time comes! So how do you get ready? Well, first you need to accept Jesus into your heart "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9) Friends, this is the only way to heaven, whether you get there by means of the rapture or through earthly death. Do your best to live for the Lord, in everything you say, do and think. No one is perfect and not one person who ever has or ever will live can do enough "good stuff" to earn their way to heaven. So, even though Jesus didn't come back today, May 21st 2011 at 6pm, he WILL return one day to rapture HIS people. And my hope and prayer is that all my friends and family will join me in heaven!

Facebook Petpeeves

Confession: I'm addicted to Facebook. I've actually gotten a lot better than I use to be about checking FB, but I still couldn't imagine a day without logging in. There are many things about fb that often make me wonder why I continue doing it to myself ("it" being reading through status after status, day after day) and I've usually kept my lips zipped about these annoyances. But now I have my own blog and feel I can say whatever I want! HA! *Disclosure - if any of the following pertain to you, please don't take offense* So here it goes.... I can't stand when 90% of my home page is filled with statuses from the same person! Really folks, I don't pretend to have any more of a thrilling life than you do, but don't post every 3 minutes and show the whole world just how boring your life is! Because obviously if you can post that often, you have nothing better to do, ever. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE THAT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM (are you ready to scream yet?) - using all caps doesn't make me want to pay more attention to your post, it makes me want to "hide" you. For goodness sake, use caps only for the 1st letter in your sentence and for proper nouns just like your second grade teacher told you to. Speaking of 2nd grade English class, let's talk punctuation. I think many of you have broken comma keys... do you realize how difficult it is to comprehend what you're trying to say when you never use a comma or a period?? And calm down with the exclamation points too; trust me, not everything you're saying deserves this punctuation mark. Just save it for when you truly are excited about something, not for every.single.comment. I won't even get into their, they're and there as I think this is just a lost cause. If you are an adult and still don't understand the difference there's probably not much hope in teaching you. Also, if you are an adult I expect to read real words (you know, the ones you can find in a dictionary). I mean, is it really that much harder to spell out the word "and" instead of "nd"? And if you write "bk" I will think you are referring to Burger King, not telling me you'll be "back". I could probably go on and on, but I'll stop now before I am "unfriended" by too many people on Facebook. Feel free to share some of your own petpeeves, whether they stem from facebook or just life in general. HV A GR8 NT!!!!! lol    -kle

Jumping In

People have been blogging for years, but I haven't ever really gotten into following any. And I don't expect to have a zillion loyal followers here either. I just decided that this might be a good way for me to share my thoughts and opinions about, well, anything. Do you ever think back on a conversation you had with someone, even within minutes afterward, and think "oh I wish I would've said this or that!"? Well I do that often so I figured with blogging I'll be able to think through what I'm trying to say before I say it (or at least be able to edit it if I do think of something after the fact). So here I am, jumping in to the world of blogs. I may not be able to post all the time as I am busy with real life. And I may not have spectacular ideas to share with the world, but I will speak from my heart and hopefully we can laugh, vent, and maybe even grow together. Thanks for stopping by!   -kle