Why Me?

Today I had my second ultrasound for this pregnancy at only 6 weeks (the first one, at 5 weeks, we only saw a sac with nothing in it, though that is common at that early stage). As soon as my doctor started the scan I could see the tiny baby and it's beating heart. It made this all the more real for me, actually seeing a living baby, even though it's less than a centimeter in size and definitely looks more like an amphibian than a human!

This will be my 5th child... sounds crazy, I know. And it's had me thinking how blessed I've been to already have 4 kids and now get to have another. But why? Why am I able to get pregnant so easily? Why did I have 2 kids while I was still a teenager when there are women out there who try for decades unsuccessfully to get pregnant? Why are my babies born healthy and without complication when other women have sick babies, some of which pass before they're born or are born alive only to live for a few minutes? Why me???

I'm not better than anyone else, or somehow more deserving. And I certainly haven't earned any special status based on many of my life choices.. :/  I feel guilty sometimes when I look at my kids and think about all the would-be moms in the world with empty, aching arms. I even feel, at times, that I'm selfishly "taking" these babies - like if I didn't have them then somehow that would allow those other women to become mommies. I can intellectually know how absurd that notion is, but my human mind still has these thoughts.

I don't want to be selfish. This isn't a game of "let's see how many babies I can have" and I know that each of my children is a gift, a blessing, from The Lord. **He didn't desire for me to bring kids into the world when I was still a child myself, but those boys are still HIS creation and He loves them even more than I do**  I know I'm not really stealing babies from other couples when I become pregnant - I just wish there was something I could do for them! At one point in my life I seriously considered being a surrogate mother. My reasoning for that was these same, silly thoughts of guilt over being a mom when I knew so many couldn't. Obviously I never did that, and it probably wouldn't be allowed now after all these pregnancies. I suppose all I can really do is pray - pray for the women who are struggling month after month to become pregnant, pray for the couples who are waiting and waiting to adopt a baby and pray for all the kids in the world who don't know the love of a parent to find their way to mommies and daddies in waiting.

And I will continue to thank God everyday for ALL the blessings in my life... especially my beautiful babies!

Surprise, Surprise!



DS #4 Making the Announcement

Yes, it's true - baby #5 is on the way! I found out about 10 days ago. I just had that "feeling" that something was up, so decided to take a home test 5 days before the suggested time to first take it. To my surprise there was a faint line, but I thought maybe it was a fluke so I took another one within an hour. That one also had a faint line, but I thought that maybe they were both faulty since they came from the same package. So 2 days later I took 2 more and they also had faint lines. I still had my doubts, but those were diminishing. I went to my doctor the next day for a blood count which I had to wait 3 whole days to get the results for! The day I received the results of that test I was back in for a second blood count, per doctors orders, to make sure the numbers were going up. The next day (now a week since the first home test) my doctor called with the good news that the hcg levels had gone up significantly and everything seemed on track for now. Because of my history I'll be going in again on Monday for an ultrasound to make sure the little sesame seed-sized baby is in the right spot (I had an ectopic pregnancy 5 1/2 years ago which resulted in surgery to remove that baby and my left tube).

To answer some of the Facebook questions - my due date is March 18th. Right now it seems like it will be forever until this baby arrives - remember though, I found out way earlier than most women do. I think I'd be pregnant for a year just to actually prolong the addition of a newborn! Though I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune by, oh, 35 weeks :) And yes, I am praying for a girl! This isn't my first rodeo, I know very well intellectually that we could have another boy. Will I cry if that happens? Probably. But I trust my maker and the creator of the universe to make the decision! For now, until I hit 20 weeks near the end of October and head for that most exciting ultrasound of all, I'll keep politely asking God to bless me with a daughter! :))

I realize that some of you might think "What are they thinking?" "FIVE kids, really?!" And maybe some other thoughts that aren't so nice. You are entitled to your opinions and thank the Lord we live in a country where we can all decide how many children we want to have. But I do believe that children are blessings - in fact, here's a verse for you  "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:3  Soooo, we are accepting this blessing (boy or girl!) from the Father who loves us. I'm not saying it's gonna be a walk in the park, but I do believe this is part of the plan for our lives so who are we to judge that?!?!

More About ME

Did you ever get one of those chain emails with the "about me" survey questions? I'm sure I've done at least a handfull (and deleted plenty more). The purpose was to get to know your friends/family better, maybe find out things you would never know or even think to ask. Maybe this plays into the self-centered human nature, but sometimes it was fun to answer 50 questions about me, me, ME! Now with having our Facebook addictions you would think we know eachother quite well... right? Well I bet there are still plenty of things that most people don't know. Of course, there are MANY personal facts that I hope no one finds out! But I thought I'd do a little "Facts about ME" post.
*Disclaimer: There will be no profound information in the following. If you have something important to do, by all means don't waste your time here :) haha

• I'm addicted to chapstick, and have been for as long as I can remember.
• I did not graduate high school. BUT I did take all my GED tests in record time (cuz me smart!)
• I was a very well-behaved, quiet and polite child.
• I was a very naughty, mouthy and defiant teenager.
• I hate watermelon, but love watermelon flavored candy.
• I love grapes, but hate grape-flavored anything.
• I was pregnant before I got my 1st car.
• I've been pregnant 8 times - ahhh!
• I use to try to convince my little sister we had found her on the side of the road and then adopted her. - still not sure what sort of negative impact that had on her :/
• At one point in high school my GPA was .59 - overall in college was 3.6 (wish I could tell this to some of my old HS teachers!).
• I love watching TLC/Discovery Health shows, especially the trauma ones with guts and gore. But I'd never ever want to work in health care.
• My profession right now, besides full time mother & wife, is home daycare. However, I'm still undecided as to what I want to do with my life.
• In just 10 weeks I will hit the big 3-0. Not sure I'm ready for that yet.
• I love cherry ICEE's. Not slushies, or freezies or whatever else is out there. Only ICEE.
• I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. Unless in a hotel room, where I then have to sleep closest to the window.
• Chocolate covered raisins disgust me.
• My left leg is shorter than my right leg. If you've never noticed that before, you can thank the surgeon who sliced up my pretty little 11 year old knee to fix the discrepancy.
•  I once drove over my 5 year old son's leg, on accident of course, but he didn't even have a scratch! Thank God for His protection on that one!!
• I've never been stung by a bee. So contrary to popular belief - screaming and running with flailing arms at the sight of a bee does work.
• I have to use a q-tip in my ears after I shower. If I don't have one, then I won't shower til I get some.
• Because of my congenital hip dysplasia I can't sit Indian- style, aka, Criss cross applesauce. Physically not possible to put the left leg down where it should be.
• I miss watching Mary Tyler Moore, Dick Van Dyke, I Love Lucy and Bewitched.
• I hate ugly feet - especially when the owner of the ugly feet makes no effort whatsoever to spruce them up.
• I love babies :)  I'll bet most of you DID know that!

This Week

It's been a whole week since I last blogged, but it felt like forever. I guess I just don't have that interesting of a life to write about very often! There were a few times I got an idea, but just didn't get on the computer to blog about it. One of my recent posts was regarding my new running plan, which I successfully completed... the first week of, anyway - haha! I hurt my ankle about 1/2 way through day 1 of the second week (which was last Monday) and I still can't walk normal. I had high hopes of becoming a real runner, but at this point I'm thinking I may have to just be a "walker", which is still better than doing nothing. So I didn't do a whole lot this last week. We did make it to the pool twice and today I took 3 of the kids to the park and splashpad (oldest son wouldn't get out of bed) followed by cherry ICEEs for everyone - have I ever mentioned how much I looovvveee ICEEs?! Well I do :) 

DS #3 & #4 In the sand at the park today

DS #2,3 &4 at the splashpad

Hubs is working side jobs today and tomorrow, but at least we'll have Monday all together with the holiday. Our little boys have never been to see the fireworks displays and daddy really wants them to be able to experience it this year. I'm not thrilled with the idea of keeping them up that late or the task of finding somewhere to watch the show amidst all the drunks with 2 boys who don't like to walk nicely with mom and dad. And I can't chase them very well with my bum ankle! I suppose 4th of July fireworks is an all American tradition that even my little monsters should be able to take part of... we'll see how it goes.

The only other excitement lately is that our plane tickets have officially been booked for our tropical vacation next January - WAHOOO!! Hubs still says he doesn't really want to go *he wants to BE there, just not FLY to GET there*. He'll have to cowboy up when the time comes because we ARE going!